As scientists, we rarely take the time to meet new people. Listening to someone’s whole life story? Connecting on a personal level? Ain’t nobody got time for that! Luckily, our research has demonstrated that humans will gravitate to you….as long as you have cake.
To put this hypothesis to the test, your trusted, slightly misanthropic scientist extraordinaire decided to make marble chocolate cake and see if she could attract some unsuspecting individuals. Spoiler alert: it worked like a charm.
First, gather supplies. You will need about 250 grams each of flour, butter and sugar. You will also need four eggs, chocolate, cocoa powder, baking powder and milk. Vanilla extract/flavour additive is optional; Beyoncé-themed motivational poster is essential and indispensable. First, mix room-temperature butter and sugar until fluffy and delicious. Then alternate between adding dry ingredients (flour, baking powder) and one of the eggs while continuously mixing – add milk as needed. By now you should have a creamy, not-too-runny batter (real technical scientific terms). Divide the batter into two bowls, moving about 2/3 of the batter to a new bowl. The remaining 1/3 is where you add 50 grams of chopped chocolate and 2 tbs of cocoa powder. Mix until smooth, adding milk as needed. Look for the chocolate batter to have the same consistency as the first batch of batter. Again, don’t be intimidated by all this science speak, just follow your heart! Your cake heart.
Line a cake tin with parchment paper, and pour half the plain batter into the tin. You may use either a round cake tin, or a rectangular loaf tin. Here at New Dessert Science Magazine, one of our slogans is “Basic Bitches Not Wanted”, so we obviously used an original Le Creuset springform cake tin, so y’all better recognize. Swag. As you should have guessed by now, the next step is to carefully pour and layer the chocolate batter into the tin, making sure not to mix the two layers (that’s later, dummy!). Our Le Creuset springform refused to pose for more pictures, so we had to use an alternate to illustrate the next step. Oh, right, the next step is pouring the rest of the plain batter as the last layer of the cake. Duh. Now that you’ve got all your batter layered meticulously, it’s time to mix shit up. Grab a fork, knife, chopstick or whatever, and run it through the batter a couple times. It might seem counter-intuitive, but it’ll make the cake all pretty, promise!
Pop that baby in the oven for 45-60 minutes depending on the tin you used, oxygen levels at your particular altitude, and whether or not Venus is in retrograde. Cool on wire rack.
If you’re only trying to ensnare a few humans, serve slices of your marvelous cake under dimmed lighting, surrounded by pastel candle holders and a bowl of candy. For bigger crowds, we recommend briging TWO cakes and serving both on a silver platter. Slowly back away, and await glory.