Experiment? I hardly know ment!: A photoessay of dessert failure

[This post was written by our dear friend Kerry. Sadly the migration to wordpress ate up all the guest authors. Here you can find the original post with the original author.]

Earlier this month Carmen threw the dessert gauntlet down and challenged us all to a chocolate-cake-in-a-mug-off. Some of us accepted that challenge. Some of us failed miserably. Some of us are me, and here is our story.This is the way it started, correctly enough. Ingredients: things that, with a little bit of heat and magic, somehow turn into a chocolate cake in a coffee mug. My hopes were high and my friends were in low places at this point.
Look, it’s chocolate! TV and movies have taught me chocolate is better than orgasming during childbirth, or something. I continued ingredienting:
LOL JK THAT FOR MEEEEEECapturing my despair in a blurry, poorly-lit picture: NAILED IT! So things seemed to be going cakingly. I fake-put beer in it, threw some chocolate chips in, had some laughs, stirred it up. BATTER? I HARDLY KNetc. Little did I know at this point, for I was obliviously drinking my bethievéd beer and googling pictures of tractor pull champions, that my mixing skills had already done me in.I put it in for 2:45 and it began to cook over the top of the mug in my parents’ filthy microwave, just like Carmen said it would!
HOORAY!!!! I hooted, forking the shit out of it. I set up the camera to snap a picture of the moment I triumphantly shoved my mug cake into my face.
But the hoot was premature, and feebly oozed down the side of my coffee mug.What is it with me and poorly lit pictures of despair? The cake was unsalvageable. I hadn’t mixed it well enough out of fear of overmixing, foolishly ignoring the words of President Guy Whatshisface: “The only fear we have to fear is fear fearself,” or whatever. He was definitely talking about cakes.
I had tried to name myself Sheriff of Caketown, but I had to change it to Sheriff of Trying so my title wouldn’t be a lie. Words of encouragement: “You may never be successful at anything and everyone will always be better than you at everything, but at least try because you’ll get that weird loser white ribbon for participation!”
OH WELL! Lessons learned: don’t be afraid to mix, chocolate chips sink to the bottom of every batter so don’t put them in coffee mug chocolate cake, and love is all you need.

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